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Tech support

Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but
it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the
CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s
still on my desk… sorry….
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Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “Start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates .
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says
‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
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Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah……………..thank you.
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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
supermarket.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a, as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can’t get on the internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse,
it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I
get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a printer problem.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under
a window, and his printer is working fine.”
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And last but not least:

Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle
of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the
Program Manager.”
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

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